ha!!!!

Screw the break!!! My best friend and I are back to being friends, not best friends, but friends. We still act the same with each other but we don't have the same title.

-Sara :)

breaks and heat waves

Currently we are experiencing a major heat wave, temperatures over 100 degrees for days in a row. Not pleasant in the slightest bit!

My ex-best friend and I are taking a break from each other, which is where the "ex" comes into things. She doesn't think it's worth it to continue trying to be friends with me, and I honestly feel the same way abou her. She just isn't the type of person I have much in common with, who's so-called "jokes" I can laugh at.

Is it wrong to take a break from someone who was one of your 2 best friends for over a year? Please give m your feedback on this, I would really like to know.

Oodles of love!

-Sara :)

late night GLEE

Glee is a tv show that has been on for a while now, I believe at least a year. I just finished watching the first  6 episodes. I must admit, it was most likely a big mistake to watch 6 episodes in a row of a tv show until 3:15 AM. Especially considering I have to wake up at 8:30 to shower and get to the orthodontist for my 9:20 appointment on time. I'm exhausted, a shower had better energize me when I wake up!

Don't stay up too late! (At least no later than now.)

-Sara :)

Graduation

Is it the end? Or just the begininning? Or is it simply someplace in the middle?

In the theater, we would say that act 1 has ended, the curtain has closed temporarily, and act 2 will begin shortly.

Graduating 8th grade has marked the end of my childhood days, as well as the start of my high school experience. As sad as it is that I won't see a lot of my good friends from elementary and middle school again, due to the fact that many of us are going to different high schools, I am very excited for what awaits in the next 4 years of my life. How could I not be? New friends, a new school, new teachers. Not to mention everything I'll learn, in school and out, be it book smarts or street smarts. Last night at the end of graduation I was crying so hard while hugging my friends. This is a major milestone in all our lives, but it also makes it more real how there is a big chance we will lose each other through it all. I do't want that to happen! I have met so many great people at school in the past 8 years of my life, and even if we weren't exactly best friends, we did get closer! I want to keep getting closer with them, rather than slowly grow apart.

During graduation I could not stop smiling. :)  It made me so happy to know that I made it, along with all my friends! Wearing a new dress and 3" heels could only add to my happiness of course. Haha, but on a more serious note, I felt so proud of myself when I received my diploma (it had my name on it!) and when the salutatorians and the valedictorian spoke. They are all extremely good friends of mine. Unfortunately, 3 out of the 4 of them are going to different schools from me. :(  I could not get over how proud they made me feel, though. The only way that comes to mind for how to describe my feeling about it, is that I felt as proud as i would have if they were my own children! It sounds weird, but it describes it pretty accurately.

Now I have the whole summer ahead of me before I need to start worrying about high school! It's a busy summer, and I think I'll start it right now. Well, I'll start getting ready for the graduation pool party I'm going to soon!

Big kiss, class dismissed! (I go that from a book I read, it's really good.)

-Sara =)

Sexism

What a subject! The first thing you must know is that you most definitely should not be sexist! No one appreciates it and it will get you nowhere in life. I have a very big final this Monday, and a bunch of people in my class were studying in a shul together for it. I went to join them, needing a little help; I was the only girl since the other girls in my class all live on the other side of town from me, and the one girl who does live near me was away. I sat down, took out my books, and we were about to start when an older man in the room comes over. I figured "Oh, maybe we're being a little too loud, there are a lot of us after all." But no! He came to inform me of the fact that the room was for men only. I was kicked out!! Can you say "sexist"? Because I certainly can, and that was a great example of a sexist person. The table we were at was in the far corner of the room from the door, so I had to walk the walk of shame through the room, everyone staring at me as I went. Can you believe that? I mean, the nerve of him! It's not uncommon nowadays for people to have co-ed study groups, and so the Beit Midrash (study room) should be for both girls and boys. I would really like to write a very angry (yet still respectful) letter to the rabbi of that shul. I will refrain from saying his name to save him the embarrassment, but he certainly failed to refrain people of his congregation for embarrassing me in his shul!! The letter would no doubt be in vain, my friend told me that she read on his blog an extremely sexist comment. He wrote that he believes that women belong in the kitchen. Uh, he-llo!!! We live in the 21st century, where women are quite commonly successful people, and it is not rare for a woman to be more successful than a man.

Any suggestions about how to solve this sexist problem of mine?

-Sara =)

my apologies for the confusion

I am awfully sorry for my changing the title and domain name of my blog so much. The newest one is:

title= Act Out

domain name= actsout.blogspot.com

Thanks for your support!! If anyone has any suggestions for making my blog more interesting or look cooler, please feel free to tell me!!!

-Sara

Am I your bitch?

Wow. Wow. And wow. I don't have the words to describe what I feel like right now. I mean, I can think of a few. Confusion, grief, overwhelmed, sad, frightened, horrible, sick, loneliness. What am I talking about? That's right, you have no idea. Where to begin? I suppose the beginning is the best place. It's just so painful to go through it all again, not to mention the third time I'll have to relive it when I write about it in my journal.

Yesterday was my black belt test for taekwondo, and I got my recommended black belt. I felt strongly (and still do) that I don't deserve the belt, since I couldn't do everything I was supposed to do. In total I was expected to break 6 boards, yet I only succeeded in breaking 2. Totally unacceptable. And when it came to sparring, I don't think I did so well. One of my two best friends was texting me after (she came to watch, not that she actually watched; she read, talked, or texted the whole time, not paying attention at all) saying that I did really well and I looked hotter than anyone else there in my taekwondo uniform. I blew up at her. She didn't understand that I don't give a damn about what i looked like, and neither does anyone else. I told her that I would rather do everything expected of me really well and be the ugliest one there, than not be able to do everything (even though I can't understand why that had to happen at this test, when I could do those same things in class! I guess it was nerves, but ugh!!) and look better than anyone else there. She was like "Ok bye talk to you later." I said "Ok thanks for your support." Now that I look back on it, that was a completely bitchy and wrong thing of me to say, because she was trying to support and comfort me, but I was just throwing it away, taking it for granted. That got Ricki pissed off, causing her to blow up as well. Our fight went on for a while, with me thinking I might have just lost one of my best friends, but I'll tell you some of what Ricki told me. "Ugh you're so difficult, i try to be a good friend, I show up to all your events, this and your concert concert tonight and other shit. I do things for you like surprise parties and hang out with you and Miriam (our other best friend-we have a trio), which is time out of my schedule, but everything I do doesn't seem appreciated even though I put in a lot of work for you, and when was the last time you showed up to a single one my games (she plays baseball)? And you rebut every piece of advice I give you and your not too nice to other people in the same situation. So yes I love you but seriously you have to be a bit more considerate because I really do put in a lot for you!" I replied asking if she thought I was a selfish, self-centered, horrible bitch, who doesn't care at all about other people. She said yes she does think that. That's not all though. "You never listen to my advice and when was the last time you said or did one nice thing for me? And I really don't want you to keep treating people like this because it makes me feel shitty all the time and that you don't care about me at all when i do care about you so much." Here's still more. " It's not only that, it's that you never seem to care about what i do, like have you ever asked when my games are or something? And everything seems to always revolve around you and you get upset about the tiniest things when I put up with a lot and it's like you weren't even appreciative that I came today (to my test) like you just expected me to be there and then you were complaining about how badly you did which isn't even true. But whatever." Then, since I told her I wouldn't get mad at her for it, Ricki gave me a list of 6 main things that are wrong with me:

1. You focus problems on yourself more and seem to push to be the center of attention or focus on your own problems instead of other people's.
2. Your not really grateful when people do things for you, making it seem like you expect people to always be like that which aggravates people. 
3. You make problems bigger than they actually are and get upset about tiny things that don't go your way.
4. You really are cruel to boys who truly love you.
5. You tell them bad things about them which they might not want to hear (honesty is the best policy but sometimes it's outright mean). 
6. You act naive or fake sometimes and it gives off the impression that you are playing dumb.

When I got this text from Ricki, I was quite surprised. She had hit many things dead on, but other things that she pointed out to me I hadn't even noticed I did! For #3, I'm just sensitive, and problems that come up have always really upset me. For #6, people might think I'm playing dumb because most kids my age know stuff I don't know, but I'm not playing dumb, I truly don't know those things! For #5, I usually ask people if they want to hear what i really think, and if they'll get mad at me when I tell them. Mostly they tell me to tell them and they won't get mad, so it might not be what they want to hear, but they did ask for my honest opinion and I give it to them. I'm a very frank person, and I know that quite well about myself. I guess I'm just not afraid of calling it like it is, because I would rather know people's real opinion than have them lie to me. That's all coming back at me now, attacking me with vicious claws, scratching at every exposed part of my being, inside and out. These scars will never heal, but now I understand what others feel like when I tell them the truth. true, i say I wouldn't mind, but no one has ever told me such bad things about myself. For #4, I never know how guys feel about me. They never bother to take the time to tell me, most just assume that I'll be able to know their feelings without being told, but I can't! For #2, I really do try and remember to say "thank you, " but it seems that I haven't lately. All I can think of to say for #1 is that I'm a drama queen and I know it, but it doesn't really bother me, and I didn't know it bothered anyone else. No one ever informed me that they were bothered by it. But also, I don't do it purposely, I feel like things just naturally have to do with me. I mean, when I'm with my friends, The circle is usually around me, and if it's not, I'm always a part of it, or adding a lot to the conversation. Plus, Ricki told me that when people refer to my friends, it's usually referred to as "Sara's group."

Who am I kidding?? I've just been told everything bad about myself, I'm being given the chance to change and become a better person, something I told myself I would try to do, and here I am, doing the exact oppposite, trying to explain everything away, so I don't seem like such a bad person after all!! No. I can't do that. I will try to be a better person. I pride myself on being happy, smiling, and making others happy as well. I want to live my life to the fullest, making the best of every day, as I never know if it will be my last. I can't go any longer without changing myself, and apologizing to all the people I've hurt. I may never have the chance again! 

I just need friends to help me through this time, to help me change myself, but I don't know if I have any friends willing to do that anymore. I may have lost them all already. 

I have never been so ashamed of myself.

-Sara